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10 Funny Christmas Quotes from Movies and TV Shows

Seeing as Christmas is around the corner, we’ve compiled a list of memorable funny Christmas quotes from ten different movies and TV shows. Now, these quotes aren’t exactly in sync with the Christmas spirit but hey, if they make you smile or help bring back fond memories, we’d have done our part in spreading the joy.

1. Simpsons (1989)


Bart Simpson: “Aren’t we forgetting the true meaning of Christmas? You know, the birth of Santa.”

2. Seinfeld (1990)


Frank Costanza: “Many Christmases ago, I went to buy a doll for my son. I reached for the last one they had, but so did another man. As I rained blows upon him, I realized there had to be another way.”

Cosmo Kramer: “What happened to the doll?”

Frank Costanza: “It was destroyed. But out of that a new holiday was born: a Festivus for the rest of us!”

3. This Christmas (2007)

This Christmas

Melanie Whitfield: “So, technically, you slept with Santa?”
Kelli Whitfield: “Well…yes.”
Melanie Whitfield: “Well, ho, ho, ho!”

4. We’re No Angels (1955)

We're No Angels

Joseph: “I’m going to buy them their Christmas turkey.”
Albert: “Buy? Do you really mean buy?”
Joseph: “Yes, buy! In the Spirit of Christmas. The hard part’s going to be stealing the money to pay for it.”

5. The Office (2005)

The Office

Michael Scott: “Christmas is awesome. First of all you get to spend time with people you love. Secondly, you can get drunk and no one can say anything. Third, you give presents. What’s better than giving presents? And fourth, getting presents. So, four things. Not bad for one day. It’s really the greatest day of all time.”

6. Home Alone (1990)

Home Alone

Kevin McCallister: “Okay, this is extremely important. Will you please tell Santa that instead of presents this year, I just want my family back?”

7. Married with Children (1987)

Married With Children

Al Bundy: “I hate Christmas. The mall is full of nothing but women and children. All you hear is, ‘I want this,’ ‘Get me this,’ ‘I have to have this’ . . . and then there’s the children. And they’re all by my store ’cause they stuck the mall Santa right outside ringing his stupid bell. As if you need a bell to notice a 300-pound alcoholic in a red suit. ‘Ho, ho, ho,’ all day long. So, nice as can be, I go outside, ask him to shut the hell up. He takes a swing at me. So I lay a hook into his fat belly and he goes down. Beard comes off, all the kids start crying and I’m the bad guy.”

8. The Santa Clause (1994)

The Santa Clause

Laura: “All Neil told him was that Santa was more of a feeling. More of a state of mind than an actual person.”
Scott: “Kind of like Neil.”

9. Elf (2003)


Santa: “And if you see a sign that says ‘Peep Show,’ that doesn’t mean that they’re letting you look at the new toys before Christmas.”

10. Bad Santa (2003)

Bad Santa

Boy: “If you really are Santa, you could do magic.”
Willie: “Wanna see some magic? Here, let’s watch you disappear!”

Author Sameed Khan

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